You Taught Me To Fear The World
by chaelip
Summary: Nick is thinking about turning in his police application and partnering with Judy. Only... before he gets the chance to, his father comes back after years of silence. Nick happens to hate his father. His father isn't so great. Warnings for past child abuse/neglect, and some other dark themes. Also on AO3.
1. Chapter 1

"You're thinking about turning in that application, right?"

Nick glanced at his friend. "Hmm. Yeah, thinking about it," He said, keeping his tone even. Judy's ear flicked with annoyance.  
"Oh, whatever, you big lug. You want to join ZPD just as bad as I do."  
That made the red-furred fox turn to her, one eyebrow raised. "Not true."

"How is that not true?!" Judy retorted, frowning.

"You don't want to join the ZPD. You're already in."

The tense air lightened immediately and Judy rolled her eyes, irritated but amused. "You know what I meant, Smart-Alec." The two animals continued strolling down the street a ways in a comfortable silence before Nick shattered the atmosphere.

"I think I'm going to. I really do want to, you know, be a police officer and everything. I think I could do a good job, I think I have the skills required, and I think that I'd have the guts to save someone when it came down to it. I think I could be the first fox officer at ZPD." Judy frowned at Nick's tone. He sounded unsure.

"...but? What's stopping you?"

Nick slowly came to a halt, calmly gazing up at he cloudy grey sky. He blinked, took a sip of his coffee, and then leaned against the wall, looking into his empty cup and sighing.

"Do you think they'd let me in?"

Judy scowled at he comment. "Nick, I know they'd let you in. You're obviously good at what you do, and you-"

"Do you think they'd let a fox in?"

There was a terse moment of silence. The way Nick said the word 'fox', like it was poison- the way Nick kept his emotions in check but couldn't look at her in the eye when he talked about his insecurities- it all grated on Judy's nerves. She felt a stab in her heart as her friend shuffled awkwardly. Then her sympathy and pity turned to sharp anger.  
She wanted to talk with whoever got all this into Nick's head.

Yes, of course it was those awful prey animals from the scout group he wanted to join, but it had to be someone else as well. And it made Judy fume with outright outrage.  
Nick seemed to sense the anger wafting out of her ears, and he glanced up quickly.

"Sorry, forget it, Judy. I didn't mean it like that. Let's just keep shopping, yeah?"

Judy realized her mistake and quickly held her paws up to stop him. "No, no, sorry. I got lost in thought."  
Nick gave her a quizzical look, but continued drinking from his empty cup so things didn't get awkward.

Judy sighed before rubbing her ear and continuing. "Sorry. Look, anyway, Nick... nobody is going to judge you just because you're a fox."

The fox snorted, nearly choking on his not-coffee. (Air.)  
"Nobody is going to judge me because I'm a fox, yeah right. They'll judge me because I'm a liar and a conman and a thief and an untrustworthy predator. "

Judy turned and leaned down next to Nick. "Look, Nick. You put up that image and awful people have told you awful things about who you are supposed to be. The world has taught you to hate yourself and not trust yourself and yet I trust you and I know for a fact that you are an amazing person and-"  
"Seriously, shut up, Carrots."


	2. Chapter 2

Nick sat in his chair, quietly smoothing out the Application Form, his eyes shut in silent concentration. It was nearly midnight, but Nick knew he wouldn't be sleeping at all that night. He was too anxious, too worried about becoming an officer. He was lost in his thoughts.

Because honestly, is that what he really wanted?

He had thought he'd figured out his life- working with Finnick, playing pretend, conning people, making and selling Pawpsicles, and basically just surviving and running from the law.  
However then Judy just had to march into his life and blackmail him into helping her, and getting him into some dangerous situation where he nearly lost hope in himself. And yet he hadn't.

Judy Hopps had given him the adrenaline rush he hadn't known he needed, and he had loved every second of it. The thrill of detective work and sneaking around in secret hospitals hit him deep, and there was no going back to hustling after experiencing that. Whatever 'that' was, anyway.

And it wasn't just the rush. It was Judy. She was far too kind and forgiving- too much for Nick's taste- which wasn't to say Nick didn't like Judy because she was kind, but rather he couldn't fathom why she would bother being so kind to a fox like himself.  
Nick groaned.

He had been getting better with the self confidence issues, and Judy continually bugged him about being more forgiving to himself, but sometimes he slipped up. Sometimes he remembered who he was and who he came from. Sometimes he remembered that most people hated him.  
How was he supposed to be a police officer when nobody could trust him? How did that even work?

Judy had gotten where she was with hard work and the fact that she was good at what she did. She had the fire- the spirit, everything. The problem for her was that everyone trusted her, and she had to show a tough side. Well, the problem for Nick was that nobody trusted him. The harder he worked, the better he got, the more excited and fired up he got, it would all just make other residents more suspicious.

Carrots would never understand. It would be so much easier to be afraid than to be feared. Nick was afraid of a lot of things, but mostly he was afraid of himself.  
He was afraid of foxes, ironically. He hated foxes.

Nick snorted out-loud as a thought pulsed through his head. I remember when I wanted to be a Cheetah when I grew up- as if that would've been possible. I had wished for long, spotted legs so I could run out of that place.

That place.

An involuntary shudder stroked against his spine and the fur on his neck bristled. He felt his lip curl into a defensive snarl.

"You're a fox, Nicholas! You're staying in The Meat whether you like it or not!"

The voice echoed around the room, making Nick freeze in sudden panic. He whirled around, looking about his room and getting into a crouch, ready to pounce on anything or anyone. "Hey," Nick shouted uneasily. "Get out of my room!"  
Nick knew that the voice was only in his head, and yet he started shaking and he just couldn't stop. Trembling, startlingly lonely, afraid, and confused, Nick Wilde lie down on his bed and tried to push memories away.

"If you can't control it, I will!"

The same voice wafted through the small dark room, and Nick finally snapped in frustration. He picked up his phone and dialed the first number in his contact list, just needing to talk to anyone about anything. He needed to get his mind off of stress.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Bee-

"Hello? Um, who is this? It's like two in the morning!" Judy Hopps. Of course. Because fate just hated Nicholas Wilde, and it couldn't give him one second of peace. But Judy was someone and someone to talk to was better than keeping it all in his head.

(Also, when did midnight turn into two o'clock? Nick had been up longer than previously thought...)

"Oh, sorry about that, Judy. How was your day?" The fox nearly cursed as his voice came out shaky and hesitant. With another breath he continued. "Mine's been great. This morning I got-"

"Nick- is that you? What're you doing up, and... wait... are you sick?"

"Of course not. I don't get sick."

"You sound awful! Here, I'll be over in a jiffy, I just need to make some soup and-"

"No! I don't need you to come over, especially if it's like two in the morning. Stay put!"

"I'm on my way! See you in a bit, Nick." Judy sing-songed, making Nick face-palm as the line went dead.

Great. Nick snorted and set down his phone before deciding that he might as well make himself look presentable. He got off of his bed and turned towards the very small closet before pulling on grey sweats and a plain black shirt. Not exactly 'presentable', but it was better than his previous week old hoodie.

Before he could do anything else there was a knock at the door and Nick blinked, puzzled. There was no way Carrots could've made it all the way from her place to his in less than two minutes. It would take at least ten. At least ten.  
...Unless she was already on her way. Nick beamed at the thought. Perhaps Judy couldn't sleep either and she got lonely and wanted to visit!

The idea was irrational, but Nick still hoped. Besides, who else could it be? He grinned and swung open the door in a smug fashion, expecting to see a little rabbit holding a thermos of unnecessary soup. But his eyes drifted up as the guest was a bit taller than expected.

Nick stopped breathing.

"You gonna let me in or not, kid?!"


	3. Chapter 3

"You gonna let me in or not, kid?!"

Nick's mind quietly whirred to a stop and he couldn't think of anything to say at all, for a first. His entire mind went blank at the sight of the fox standing in his doorway. Some kind of choked gargle made it's way from under the lodge in his throat, making the older, taller fox in the doorway raise an eyebrow.

"You sick or somethin'?"

Nick shut his mouth for a moment, blinking, before dropping it open to speak, before realizing he had nothing to say and closing it once again. "Um," He started, barely a croak. His throat had gone as dry as the sands of Sahara Square. He made some kind of odd gesture with his hands.

"Um- are you... real?"

"Do I look real, Nicholas?!"

That snapped Nick right out of his haze, and blinding anger took place. Memories of the past resurfaced, reminding Nick of everything. Bottled up anger boiled inside him, causing him to growl darkly. "You! You- you left us!" He screamed, going in for a punch. He wasn't letting this guy off the hook- not after what he did to Nick. Not after what he did to her.

Before Nick even got close to landing a punch, the taller fox grabbed the incoming paw and twisted Nick's other arm around him, and in a blink of an eye Nick was face-into the floorboards, his arms twisted behind his back with the intruder practically lying on top of him, holding his paws back. He snarled and tried to wrench free, but this guy had a strong grip.

You should already know that. Don't you remember?

"Are you trying to blame me for all of that stuff that happened years ago?! Seriously, Nicholas? Because as I remember it, she was dying anyway- which wasn't my fault- and you were a failure- also not my fault- and I had to look out for myself! Did you want me to stay by and babysit you even though you ruined my life and hers? You screwed up everything, Nick, and it's you who should be apologizing to me!"

Nick felt tears sting his eyes at the familiar words. "I'm sorry, Dad!' He wailed, still almost positive this entire thing was a hallucination. Or a dream. Or a nightmare. He went limp against the floor, exhausted.

However his father was just scowling with more venom than before. "I'm not your father! No kid of mine is that pathetic and weak, you hear me?! I'm Mr. Wilde to you! You call me 'dad' one more time and I'll break your skull, kid." Nick shuddered at the threat and nodded quickly.  
"Yessir."

The tight hold on his wrists loosened and he nearly gasped in relief as his aching joints moved back and his father stood up. He scrambled to his feet as well, emotions raging and conflicting in his mind. He was horrified that his father was back, he was furious at what his father had done, and yet...

In the end, it all had been Nick's fault and Nick's fault alone.

And the fact that Nick was absolutely terrified of his father counted for something, which was probably why he hadn't tried socking him in the face again.

"HEY! Are you even listenin'?!"

Nick jolted at the yell and his heart began to flutter in panic. "Y-yeah?"

"Get outa the way! Some manners you have there, boy. Not inviting me in," Nick's father chided, shoving Nick out of the doorframe and barging into his flat. Nick held up a paw to protest but it was promptly ignored. He sighed in defeat and followed his father in.

When his dad sat down in his chair and began examining the pen Judy had accidentally forgotten, Nick felt his face get hot in anger. "Don't touch that." As soon as the words left his mouth he regretted saying them, but this was getting ridiculous. His old man couldn't just show up randomly at two in the morning after years of no contact for no reason at all.

"It's a carrot pen, Nicholas. Seriously? What the hell are you even doing with your life?!"

Nick raised his chin defiantly. "More than you, apparently! Why are you even here, after all these years?"

His father's eyes narrowed at the insult but he didn't jump up and beat Nick senseless, so that was a bonus. "Look, you owe me, Nick. We agree on that, obviously. After all you cost me, you owe me."  
Before Nick could even respond, he continued. "And I need money," He said bluntly.

Nick felt his body still and he said nothing for a few minutes.

"You need me to give you money." He mumbled quietly, all emotion drained from the sentence. His father smirked. "Exactly! Glad we're on the same page, kid! I need twenty-five thousand dollars." Nick felt his paws go numb. "Twenty... five... thousand?" He whispered to himself, his head reeling in shock.

His eyes sharpened in anger and frustration and he whipped around, banging his first onto the desk. "You came here after all these years just so you could make me give you twenty-five thousand dollars?! You barely know me anymore! I am barely scraping by on the money I make- and it's not a lot, especially now, since I can't sell Pawpsicles! I don't have that kind of money, and even if I did, I wouldn't give it to you! Like you said before: I'm not your son, so I don't 'owe you' anything!"


	4. Chapter 4

The moment the words left his mouth, Nick felt an overwhelming sense of fear and immediately his throat lodged in horror of what he had said.  
Had he said that? Out loud? To his father?

Didn't he remember anything from the past?

Nick held his father's stony gaze as best he could, trying to stay strong for his own sake. He had changed over the years- he wasn't some pup mewling under the bed anymore.

His father's lip curled in an angry snarl after a moment of silence. A wicked snarl- grinning and smirking and angry and it was terrifying. Nick subtly took a step back purely from muscle memory and felt the wall against his back, making him shake.  
Familiarity set in and he tried to shake off the déjà vu.

His father stood up, still with the awful look on his face, and he took a threatening step closer, narrowing his eyes. Nick raised his snout in defiance and pushed the pads of his paws against the cold wall, pushing against it as his father stepped closer.

The faint smell of alcohol and smoke wafted from his breath, and Nick gulped as his father wrapped his paws around his throat and lifted him against the wall. Nick felt his paws scratch at the larger ones cutting off his air supply, and his hind legs desperately stretched to reach the floor. His eyes widened and he choked for air.  
"What did you say? You wanna repeat that-"

"Nick?"

Nick's ear perked up in surprise, and he suddenly looked towards the door. Judy…  
His father was frowning. "Who's that?"

"Is someone else in there? …Nick, are you alright?" There was a long pause. "I'm coming in!"

He barely heard the voice, and for a split second he thought it was his father, until the door creaked open and two tall, fuzzy ears popped into the apartment. Nick saw a glimpse of the ears before spots dotted his vision and he was positive he would faint.

Two thumps later and his father's paw wasn't around his throat anymore. Nick gasped in relief, coughing and hacking away to get breath, his lungs burning. He fell to the floor with a thump and collapsed into a heap. There were loud, angry voices nearby and Nick blinked, winded by whatever had happened.

"What was that all about, mister?! You better have a good explanation, because I have sense to arrest you for assaulting a citizen!"

"What the hell? You don't understand, furball!"

"What is there to understand? Am I to believe that you weren't just choking Nicholas Wilde?"

Nick took this as an opportunity to step in. He brushed himself off a bit and quietly sat himself down in the wooden chair.  
Both guests noticed the movement and turned towards him.  
Judy nodded confidently at him. "Don't worry, Nick. This man is going to have to come with me to ZPD if he ever-"

"Judy, that's… he's… I know him."

There was an awkward silence before Judy suspiciously glanced at his father and narrowed her violet eyes. "Alright. So why were you choking Nick, exactly?" She asked, turning towards the older fox that was now in handcuffs.

Nick's father snorted. "Backtalk, brat."

The rabbit officer frowned even deeper at that. "Backtalk? Nick, what is he talking about? Why is he here? He was just choking you- you were going to pass out."

Judy gave a little pout before adding, under her breath, "And I made soup!"

Nick shrugged at the container of soup on the table. "Thanks. Um, well… Judy, this is Quentin Wilde. I didn't know he'd be coming over, so it was a bit unplanned, the whole thing." Judy's eyes went wide at that.  
"Quentin Wilde?" She asked, gaping. "Is he your Uncle? Brother?"

Quentin, at this point, smirked. "Right here, thanks. I'm his father. Biologically, anyway."

The air seemed to still and Judy looked lost. "F-father?"

"Yep. Just paying my boy a visit, that's all. We've got a lot to catch up on."

"Yeah, especially since you were just choking him?" Judy growled, unclipping her repellent spray. Quentin looked delighted at this. Nick sighed.

"Oh, goodness. Fox repellent spray? Is that for me or for Nicky, furball? Nicholas here has a past with that, don't you, Nick?"

Nick was mortified. He didn't think his father was crazy enough to actually talk about the past, especially in front of Judy- a police officer he didn't even know.  
He mumbled a hushed response, before turning to his friend and motioning awkwardly with his paw. "Judy, maybe you should come by later? I'm really sorry for making you come all the way over, but-"

Quentin cut him off with a glare, making Judy raise an eyebrow and cross her arms across her chest. "Listen- I don't care if you're his father or the mayor of Zootopia, buddy! You've got no right to treat him like that, and choking your son is child abuse, Quentin." Judy took note of the growing bruises dotting Nick's arms.  
"A crime." She added dramatically.

"Judy, you might want to stop talking right about now." Nick whispered fiercely, putting a paw on her shoulder. "You don't know what you're talking about and you really need to go now."

"I'm not leaving you with him!" She yelled back.

"You don't understand!"

"If he's your father than why does he treat you like that?"

Quentin stepped in. "I treat him like that because he deserves it, dammit!" He howled angrily.

Again, silence flooded the room. Tense, hot, angry silence that Judy was about to turn over and spill everywhere.  
"How the hell does he deserve it?"

"He ruined my life!" Nick's father said, out of breath. He grunted and sat down on the bed. Then quieter- "He ruined my life, the bastard. He's the reason… he…"

Judy was furious. "And so what? What was so bad that you come back and start trying to kill him? What did he do to you in the past that made you try and choke him even though he's your son?!"

"I couldn't help unsheathing my claws," Nick said tiredly, finally speaking up. "When I was a kid, I lived in The Meat. Unsheathing your claws meant that you were trying to pick a fight, or disrespecting someone. It's complicated, and usually when it happens it means you feel threatened."  
Judy raised an eyebrow. "How did that ruin this guy's life?"

"Well, if you want to know the story, I'm going to have to start from the beginning."

Judy nodded and sat down on the bed, carefully making sure Quentin Wilde stayed cuffed so he wouldn't try anything stupid.  
"I've got all day." She said firmly.


End file.
